


My Two First Loves

by DrarryMalecLover101 (orphan_account)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alec is still in the Closet, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst, Asmodeus is Shitty, Canonical Character Death, Eventual Relationships, Eventual malec, F/M, Internalized Homophobia, Jock!Alec, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, bad boy!Raphael, cheerleader!Catarina, cheerleader!Magnus, no magic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:22:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26319367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/DrarryMalecLover101
Summary: Magnus’s Senior year of High School is just around the corner. All he wants to do is confess his true feelings to one Alexander Gideon Lightwood. But fate, it would seem, has other plans.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Catarina Loss, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Catarina Loss, Magnus Bane/Raphael Santiago
Comments: 8
Kudos: 16





	1. The Secret

**Author's Note:**

> Well as you can see I’m back with another story! Sorry about the unreasonably long wait on Naughty Neighbors. I’m hoping to update that story ASAP. For this one, there will be warnings added each chapter if they’re needed, so just be mindful of the tags and warnings.
> 
> TW: Brief mentions of the death of Magnus’s mother.

I was in bed, but not asleep, watching the hands of my clock reach for midnight. I knew he’d be here soon. A telltale knock rattled against my bedroom window, and I pushed it open.

“You made it after all,” I beamed.

There he was, the person I’d been in love with since before I even knew what love truly was. I couldn’t tell you the moment I first fell in love with Alexander Lightwood. He was just always there; the quiet boy next door who taught me how to cartwheel when I was ten, who held me all night as I wept when my mother died on a cold autumn day, the list goes on. And the truth was, I had always loved him. I’d just never had the courage to tell him. Until tonight, that was. What I didn’t know back then, was that he wasn’t the only one I’d fall in love with that year.

“Welcome home,” Alec smiled over at me.

“Alexander Lightwood, punctual as always,” I replied back with a grin that was equally as wide as his.

“I haven’t seen you all summer. I didn’t want to waste another minute,” There it was; that smile again. The one that I’d been daydreaming about for three long months.

“Alexander, I-“ The words caught in my throat and a silence settled into the room. Had he noticed? Trying to think of something to say, I ended up going with the first thing that came to my mind. “Have you been working out?”

“Like I have a choice. Coach would kill me if I showed up to practice out of shape,” Alec chuckled softly.

“I don’t think you’re in any danger of that,” I teased.

“So, how was Wyoming? I’m impressed you lasted all summer in a tiny cabin without killing your sister. Wait...you didn’t kill her, right?”

“Believe me, there were some close calls,” I laughed. “I had to take a lot of walks whenever I felt cabin fever setting in, and with no WiFi and two bars of cell service on a good day, well, thank god for books.”

“You’re gonna make me feel like a dumb jock,” Alec snorted. “I didn’t crack open a book all summer.”

“Alexander, you could never be a-I mean, I-“

He was sitting so close on my bed. I could feel the warmth of his hip against mine. Why was this so hard? More weird silence. Luckily, Alec filled it.

“There were so many nights when I tried to call you and couldn’t get through.”

“It killed me not talking to you, or trying to talk to you and getting cut off every five seconds whenever my phone decided to drop a call,” I sighed.

“With you gone, it was like I was missing my own voice sometimes. Remember that summer where we kept finishing each other’s sentences, and your mom started calling me The Echo?” Alec smiled at the memory.

“I remember,” I nodded.

“So much happened this summer. I feel like we could talk all week, and it still wouldn’t be enough time to tell you everything that happened. And there’s one thing in particular that I’ve been dying to tell you. But...before anything else, I brought you something. Call it a present,” Alec reached into his pocket and revealed a small red box tied up with a neat bow. “I found something from that day we spent on the beach when we were little.”

I pulled the ribbon and opened the box to see a shell. I picked it up. As I ran my fingers against its smooth exterior, the memories came flooding back. It was one of those sun-flecked, perfect days, long before my mom got sick. Mom was tanned and strong from her running hobby, not as skinny as she’d later become. And at the time Alec and I were only ten.

_”It’s okay if you want to run in the waves, just remember-“ I interrupted her before she could finish._

_“Never turn my back on the ocean.”_

_“Good boy,” she smiled proudly at me._

_“Can we see the tide pools first? I’m collecting cool shells,” Alec had been so excited about the shells._

_“Yeah! I’ll help you,” I trailed after him eagerly._

_“This way! I think I see one already,” said Alec._

_As we approached the tide pools, waves crashed on the rocks before us._

_“Careful,” Alec warned. “The tide’s coming in.”_

_“What?” I teased. “You scared of a little water?”_

_“It wouldn’t matter if I were here by myself, but with you here-“ Alec’s words were cut off short, and my stomach dropped as a gigantic wave rolled in from the sea, looming over us._

_“Alexander!” Even back then, I called him by his full name._

_Alec had ran to me, but it was too late. We’d both be soaked for sure. Still, I clung to him, and in one quick motion, he turned his body to the ocean, shielding me from the wave. I looked down only to realize that I was completely dry, and Alec was totally drenched._

_“I think you just saved my life,” I said, shock still written all over my face. “I owe you one.”_

_“You could never owe me. You’re my-“ His words were cut off as both of us simultaneously spotted something glimmering in the water before us. “Woah, check it out!” Alec dipped his hand into the swirling tide pool and retrieved a vibrantly colored shell. He held it up for me to see._

_“It’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen,” I stared at the shell in awe._

_As I reached for it, my hand brushed Alec’s, and lingered there, touching him a moment too long. “Oh! I-“_

_“You’re-I mean-you should take the shell! It’s all yours!”_

_“I can’t take your shell,” I shook my head. “I don’t even collect these. Besides, you found it.”_

_“Only because you brought me here. Tell you what, we’ll share it. Weekends at my house, weekdays at your place.”_

_As the sun sank into the horizon, I excitedly showed my mom our newly found treasure._

_“Do you mind if I listen?” She held the shell up to her ear and smiled._

_I wish I’d asked what she heard._

_“It reminds me of something my grandfather asked me when I was little. How can a shell contain an ocean, when an ocean contains so many shells?” My mom was always so wise, even back then when we were so young._

_“I think it’s because if you hold it up to your ear, you can hear the ocean,” I replied._

_“Since when did you get so smart?” She asked._

_“Since always,” I beamed at her._

_“What do you think the answer is?” Alec asked her._

_“To me, it means everything in life is a contradiction. The shell is tiny, but also infinite.” Something curious flickered behind her eyes as she looked down at me and Alec. “That’s kind of like you kids, Hmm? Tiny and infinite, and getting bigger everyday. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for the two of you.”_

“Are you okay?” Alec asked, bringing me out of the memories.

“When I hold it, it’s like she’s staring forward at me from the past,” I whispered back softly.

“I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have brought it.”

I shook my head and threw my arms around him, pulling him close. “No. Thank you for this. It’s perfect.”

Just then, I heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

“Your dad!” Alec reflexively ran for the window, and crashed right into me. We fell into a pile on the floor.

“Oof!” I groaned.

With Alec splayed on top of me, our limbs were all tangled up. I felt his taut muscles pressed against my exposed skin.

“Oh,” Alec blushed.

“This is just fine,” I replied, grinning.

“I guess I _did_ forget to hug you when I walked in. Call this a make-up.”

We scrambled to our feet as the footsteps outside drew closer.

“Hurry! He’ll see you!” I hissed.

Alec swiftly climbed through the open window and leapt gracefully onto the tree outside. 

“Alexander, wait, that thing you wanted to tell me, what was it?”

“Don’t worry,” Alec shook his head. “It’s stupid anyway.

“Really? But-“

My dad called out through the door, “Magnus! Are you still awake?”

I immediately began to fake snore, hoping he would buy it.

“Congratulations, that was just about the worst fake snore ever. Get to bed, okay?”

I turned back to the window and whispered urgently to Alec. “Just tell me!”

“I-um-well I kind of have a girlfriend. I swear I’ll tell you all the gory details later,” And with that, he was gone; already halfway home before my heart started beating again.

“Magnus, everything okay in there?” Called my dad.

“Everything’s fine,” I replied, and then muttered under my breath, “I’m just dead on the inside, that’s all.”

“What was that?”

“I said everything’s fine,” I collapsed in bed, trying to blink back tears as Alec’s words echoed in my head.

Alec had a girlfriend. But who was she?


	2. First Day of School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Magnus’s first day back at school, and he has no idea who he’s up against.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all, I’m back with another chapter! Asmodeus is kind of not great at all this chapter so have fun dealing with him. But we finally get Catarina! Enjoy!

Alexander Lightwood had a girlfriend, which meant he had to be straight, which meant there would never ever be a chance of us being together. I didn’t sleep that night. I couldn’t. I stared at my ceiling through tears, wondering who I was up against, until the sun rose.

“Magnus, time for school! Breakfast is on the table,” my father called.

Had I slept? It sure didn’t feel like it. My bones seemed to throb beneath my skin. There was one saving grace. I had the _perfect_ outfit all ready for my first day of Senior Year. I’d never owned anything like it. When I’d plucked it off the rack at Nordstrom, I’d assumed it would be impossibly expensive, but…

_”Ninety percent off?! Holy sh-“_

_“It’s like it was tailor made just for you. It would be criminal if you didn’t buy it,” the saleswoman said._

_“Really? Well, I wouldn’t want to break the law,” I replied with a smirk._

Now, I shimmied into the stunning pair of jeans and admired my reflection in the mirror.

“Not bad,” I was in battle armor now; ready to head to school and face Alec...and his girlfriend.

“Nice clothes bro. I didn’t think you had it in you,” My sister Madzie said the second I walked into the kitchen.

“You’ve _got_ to be kidding me!” My father stared incredulously at me. “Go upstairs and change, now!”

“Dad, let me make my own choices,” I scowled back at him.

“Normally, that would be my preference too, but clearly, your judgement is a bit impaired this morning. So, let’s reintroduce the concept of free will once you’re proven you’ll use it responsibly. Do you have something to add?”

“...Forget it. Yes, sir,” I grumbled, knowing I’d been defeated once again.

I’d never been the kind of boy to go against my father’s wishes, even if it meant dressing like a soccer mom. I trodded glumly back up the stairs and to my bedroom, throwing on something a bit more simple that I knew he would approve of.

“Much better,” he smiled at me when I walked back into the kitchen a second time, a scowl still on my face.

As I sullenly dug into my bowl of cereal, his pager went off.

“Emergency appendectomy. They need me there ASAP. Magnus, can you-?”

“Don’t worry. Madz and I already have rides. I figured something like this would-“

Before I could even finish my sentence, he was out the door.

“Cool mom jeans,” Madzie snorted as she looked at my outfit. “All ready for the library bake sale?”

“No wonder I’m still single,” I groaned.

For the first time that morning, Madzie shot me a look of genuine empathy. “Hey Magnus, if you wanted to change back into that other outfit, I wouldn’t narc on you.”

“Well, if dad will never know,” I smirked and ran back upstairs to change for the third time that morning.

When I returned to the living room in my new clothes, Madzie let out a low wolf whistle. “Okay, I have to admit, you actually look kind of hot. Trying to make Alec forget about his new girlfriend?”

“How did you know?” I asked in shock.

“Thin walls,” Madzie shrugged.

Before I could respond, the sound of a car horn broke the morning silence.

“Sounds like your BFF is here,” Madzie grinned, pushing me gently towards the door.

—

Outside, I spotted my best friend waiting for me in her car, singing along as she blared Shawn Mendes at top volume. Catarina Loss had been my best friend since we’d made the cheer squad together in Freshman year. She’d had my back through every up and down of high school. Every big and little drama. Except when it came to my feelings for Alec. That was a secret that even she didn’t know.

“Okay, first, great to see you. Second, are you trying to seduce me or something? Those. Jeans. Are. _Hot._ ”

“I was trying to impress everyone in general,” I replied with a laugh. “Guess you got caught in the collateral damage.”

“No kidding! I’m a distracted driver with you sitting there looking like that!”

“You don’t look too shabby yourself. Are those new boots I see?” I asked as I eyed her shoes.

“Oh, I got these old things in June. Clearly, we’ve got a _lot_ to catch up on. To start off, don’t worry. Your position on the cheer squad is still rock solid, regardless of what Camille has to say about it.”

“So I’m still Vice Captain then?” I grinned at the thought.

“It was never in doubt,” Catarina replied. “Now, as for everything else, what do you want to know?”

“Tell me who everyone is dating,” I said.

“Let’s see. Camille dated Simon, then Luke, then Simon again.”

“Are they still together?” I asked in shock.

“Actually, I think she might give Luke another try, or go back to the single life,” Catarina shrugged. “Want a list of people who lost their V-cards this summer? Actually, never mind. I’ll text you the whole thing later. I’m assuming that didn’t happen for you in the middle of Wyoming. Actually, don’t answer that. I can tell. Best friend ESP.”

“Let’s just say I’m saving myself for someone here in town,” I replied. “If he’s ever single again, that is.”

“Now _there’s_ some hot gossip. And I assume I’ll get the full rundown later.”

“What else did I miss?”

“Oh, there is one minor thing. Just an itsy-bitsy bit of personal news.”

As we pulled into the school’s parking lot, my pulse quickened. Suddenly, it was as if I _knew_ what she was about to tell me. Catarina killed the engine and jumped out of the car door, where _he_ was waiting for her.

“Hey beautiful,” Alec Lightwood said as he pulled my best friend into a hug.

She leaned into his body, her hands sliding around his waist beneath his letterman jacket.

“What’s the matter?” Catarina asked with a laugh. “Don’t you have a kiss for your girlfriend?”

He pulled her towards him, and just like that, they were kissing.

“You mean your new girlfriend is…and your new boyfriend is…” My words hung stupidly in the air, answered only by smiles.

It was true. My best friend and the love of my life were dating each other, and I was caught right in the middle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Alec and Catarina are dating! How much money you wanna bet that Alec is secretly not happy about this at all?


End file.
